You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
