In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
