you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
