Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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