No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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