I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
