hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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