i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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