would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
