I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
