Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
