you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
