No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
