You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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