Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
