Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
