i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
