Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
how can u be prego again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
