either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
