Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
