At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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