Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
