If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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