I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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