you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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