let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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