He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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