What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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