I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
