At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
