hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
