The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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