I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
