Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were destined to go to rehab together
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
