weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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