i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
