he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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