Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
