oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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