I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
