dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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