k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
