i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
