Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
