even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
