should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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