Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
