My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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