This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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