Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
