Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
