I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
