Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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