If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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