Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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