she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
