I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
