I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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