Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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