sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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