You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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