quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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