maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
