I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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