My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
