Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
