in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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